6.1: The Importance of Wording

6.1.1: The Importance of Wording

Establishing the proper tone, choosing appropriate words, and using varied sentence structure improves academic writing.

Learning Objective

Distinguish between an objective and a subjective tone in writing.

Key Points

Tone is important in all writing. It conveys the author’s attitude towards the topic.
Diction (word choice) and syntax (writing style) influence tone.
In academic writing, the tone should be formal and objective. The purpose of academic writing is to engage in a neutral rather than a subjective (or personal) dialog with the reader.
The audience for a piece of writing should always be considered when establishing tone. In academic writing, the audience is assumed to be a general unknown reader who does not necessarily have an in-depth knowledge of the topic. Therefore, all information must be clearly explained so that a general reader can follow it.

Key Terms

denotation: The literal or dictionary meaning of a word or phrase.
connotation: The wide array of positive and negative associations a word or phrase evoke in the reader.
diction: A writer’s distinctive choice of words.
syntax: The way in which words and phrases are put together.
tone: The writer’s attitude towards the subject and the audience, especially as influenced by diction and syntax.

Examples

Objective tone: “A basic knowledge of wood anatomy and structure is vital to anyone seriously working with wood. A familiarity with the cellular structure of the tree leads to a better understanding of wood properties and behavior. What causes color, taste, and odor, and how does it affect wood’s intended use? What is the difference between density and specific gravity, and how does this relate to the weight and hardness of wood? An in-depth understanding leads to a more intelligent use of this versatile material.” —from With the Grain, by Christian Becksvoort, 2015. [Does this passage reflect a factual, informative tone, communicating questions and answers about wood?]
Subjective tone: “I always tell people if you want to work with wood, you’ve got to know what it is. You need to understand a tree’s cells before you can know more about what wood is and how it acts. Believe it or not, I didn’t know where those weird colors, tastes, and smells came from until I learned how all those things affected how we use wood. I didn’t think density and specific gravity were important until I got how they related to wood’s weight and hardness. The more you know, the smarter you’ll be able to use this neat stuff called wood.” [Does this passage refer mostly to the author and reflect a conversational tone, including his or her opinions?]

Syntax

Writing with variety can make your writing distinctive and interesting. This can be achieved by using varied syntax, or sentence structure. Writing consistently short sentences can make your writing sound choppy. Using longer, more complex sentences can make your writing difficult to read and may bog the reader down. Additionally, sentence structure within a sentence can impact your reader’s response. While you don’t want to use too much variety in your sentences, knowing different ways to structure sentences is important. For example, here are a few different ways to begin your sentences:

Prepositional phrase: Out of necessity, the nonprofit animal society held its first fundraising event this year.
Sentence connective: Many organizations struggle with attendance for a new fundraising event. But the nonprofit animal society had tremendous success with their first pet show.
Appositive: A noted botanist, Jane Doe was named a Distinguished Fellow of the Botanical Society of America in 2013.
Adverbial clause: Suddenly, Jane Doe found herself among the most famous botanists of her generation.

Academic writing should demonstrate an understanding of how to write effectively. When done correctly, using short and long sentences that start differently adds professionalism to your writing.

Diction

Syntax focuses primarily on sentence structure, while diction concerns the words contained in sentences. In academic writing, choosing the proper words impacts your argument as well as your credibility. Knowing the difference between the denotation, or literal meaning of words, and connotation, or the wide range of thoughts and impressions made by words or phrases, will improve academic writing. You may be unaware of the connotation of some words in addition to their literal meaning. Strengthen your diction by ensuring you know the full range of meaning of the words you use. Avoid overly informal diction as well, as these words are often less specific or simply not appropriate for academic writing.

Example:

The denotation of home is a location where a person or group resides.

The connotation of home varies from person to person. Most people view home with comfort, security, fond memories or affection.

Think of the difference in the words “domicile” vs. “home.” Both words mean “place of residence” in the dictionary but they communicate very different feelings. Domicile might be the best choice of term for a paper in law or real estate classes. Home might be a better choice for a sociology or childhood education paper.

Tone

Writing with variety can aid in developing the appropriate tone and hold your reader’s attention. Tone shows the writer’s attitude towards the subject and the audience. The writer’s tone can influence the reader’s response to the writing. In academic writing, it’s important to maintain an appropriate tone throughout. Writers can do this by paying attention to syntax and diction.

6.2: Word Choice

6.2.1: Precision

You can increase the clarity of your writing by using concrete, specific words rather than abstract, general ones.

Learning Objective

Classify words as specific or general

Key Points

When possible, replace vague generalizations with more specific and concise wording. This clarifies for your reader the topic of your paper and the conceptual plane of your ensuing argument.
You can increase the clarity of your writing by using specific words rather than general ones.
Your objective when choosing words is not to avoid general words altogether, but rather to avoid using them when your readers will want more specific ones.

Key Terms

general words: All-inclusive words from a broader scope.
specific words: Precise words from a narrower scope.

Through precise word selection, you can increase the clarity of your argument by enabling your readers to grasp your intended meaning quickly and accurately. At the same time, it is important to keep in mind that your word choices affect a reader’s attitudes toward your presentation and your subject matter. Therefore, you also need to choose words that will convey your ideas clearly to your readers. This kind of precise writing will help your audience understand your argument.

General vs. Specific Words

Almost anything can be described either in general words or in specific ones. General words and specific words are not opposites. General words cover a broader spectrum with a single word than specific words. Specific words narrow the scope of your writing by providing more details. For example, “car” is a general term that could be made more specific by writing “Honda Accord.” Specific words are a subset of general words. You can increase the clarity of your writing by choosing specific words over general words. Specific words help your readers understand precisely what you mean in your writing. Here’s an example of general and specific words in a sentence:

General: She said, “I don’t want you to go.”
Specific: She murmured, “I don’t want you to go.”

The words “said” and “murmured” are similar. They both are a form of verbal communication. However, “murmured” gives the sentence a different feeling from “said.” Thus, as a writer, choosing specific words over general words can add description to and change the mood of your writing.

In academic writing, it is important to find a balance between general and specific words. Always using specific terms can overwhelm the reader and detract from your argument. Also, depending on what you are writing, general terms may be more appropriate than specific words. In scientific, technical, and other specialized fields, writers often need to make general points, describe general circumstances, or provide general guidance for action. For example, if you are writing a paper on best practices in business, you may write one of the following sentences:

In the normal course of procedure, it is advised to avoid modifications in hiring procedures after they have been established.
Normally, it is best to avoid changing hiring processes after they have been established.

Both of these sentences make the same statement, but they may not both be appropriate for your paper. Writing with precision helps hold your audience’s attention. Making statements too wordy in an argument can be dull for your readers. Think of your audience while writing. Sometimes it is best to keep your writing simple and precise. The more precise your writing is, the easier it will be for your reader to understand your argument. Your objective when choosing words is to blend general and specific words together within your writing when appropriate, ensuring you keep your reader’s attention while conveying your message.

6.2.2: Using the Dictionary and Thesaurus Effectively

Because words can differ depending on their context, it is a good idea to check the definition and spelling of any tricky words in a dictionary.

Learning Objective

Select appropriate tools to help with word choice

Key Points

Spell-check features in word processors are helpful tools, but they will not catch all mistakes.
A thesaurus can add variety to dry prose by helping you identify words with similar meanings.
Always use a dictionary to confirm the meaning of any word about which you are unsure.
Diction is important because it refers to the writer’s or speaker’s distinctive vocabulary choices and style, and it impacts word choice and syntax.

Key Terms

thesaurus: A publication, usually in the form of a book, that provides synonyms (and sometimes antonyms) for the words of a given language.
dictionary: A reference work with a list of words from one or more languages, normally ordered alphabetically and explaining each word’s meaning and sometimes containing information on its etymology, usage, translations, and other data.

Using the Dictionary and Thesaurus Effectively

Always use a dictionary to confirm the meaning of any word about which you are unsure. Although the built-in dictionary that comes with your word processor is a great time-saver, it falls far short of college-edition dictionaries, or the Oxford English Dictionary (OED). If the spell-check tool suggests bizarre corrections for one of your words, it could be that you know a word it does not. When in doubt, always check a dictionary to be sure.

Vocabulary Choice and Style

If it feels like you keep repeating a word throughout your writing, pull out a thesaurus for ideas on different, more creative choices. A thesaurus can add some color and depth to a piece that may otherwise seem repetitive and mundane. However, make sure that the word you substitute has the meaning you intend to convey. Thesauruses provide words with similar meanings, not identical meanings. If you are unsure about the precise meaning of a replacement word, look up the new word in a dictionary.

Word Accuracy

Regardless
of the words you use, you must use them accurately. Usage
errors can distract readers from your argument. How can you ensure that
words are used accurately? Unfortunately, there is no easy way, but
there are some solutions. You can revisit a text that uses the word and
observe how the word is used in that instance. Additionally, you can
consult a dictionary whenever you are uncertain. Be especially careful
when using words that are not yet part of your usual vocabulary.

Connotation

Connotation
is the extended or suggested meaning of a word beyond its literal
meaning. For example, “flatfoot” and “police detective” are often thought to
be synonyms, but they connote very different things: “flatfoot” suggests a
plodding, perhaps not very bright cop, while “police detective” suggests an intelligent professional.

Verbs,
too, have connotations. For instance, to “suggest” that someone has
overlooked a key fact is not the same as to “insinuate” it. To “devote” your
time to working on a client’s project is not the same as to “spend” your
time on it. The connotations of your words can shape your audience’s
perception of your argument. For example:

Our sales team is constantly trying to locate new markets for our various product lines.
Our sales team is constantly driving to locate new markets for our various product lines.

Register

“Register” refers to a word’s association with certain situations or
contexts. In a restaurant ad, for example, we might expect to see the
claim that it offers “amazingly delicious food.” However, we would not
expect to see a research company boast in a proposal for a government
contract that it is capable of conducting “amazingly good studies.” Here,
the word “amazingly” is in the register of consumer advertising, but not
in the register of research proposals.

Being aware of the
connotation and register of the words you choose in your writing will
help increase your writing’s clarity.

6.3: Tone

6.3.1: Appropriate Language

The goal of academic writing is to present and articulate an argument to your readers.

Learning Objective

Distinguish between simple and complex language

Key Points

Avoid writing that is pretentious and jargon heavy.
In your writing, strive for clarity by using appropriate and concise language. This will make your overall argument much clearer for your reader.
Longer words and sentences may confuse your readers, or can make the writing sound arrogant.

Key Terms

cliché: An expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which, although considered meaningful at some earlier time, has now become overused to the point of losing its original meaning or effect, even to the point of being trite or irritating.
colloquial: Denoting a manner of speaking or writing that is characteristic of familiar conversation; informal.
first person: A form of narrative writing using words in a way that gives the impression that the action is happening to the narrator.
jargon: Technical terminology unique to a particular subject.
argument: An attempt to persuade someone of something by giving reasons or evidence for accepting a particular conclusion.

Based on the kind of language that readers encounter in a given piece of writing, a reader will draw conclusions about the writer that can enhance or distract from the persuasiveness of the argument. The writer’s tone, which is conveyed through word choice and sentence structure, impacts the reader’s response. The writer’s tone should be contingent on the type of writing. Academic writing should be more formal than personal writing. This formality is often conveyed through tone. Formal writing requires choosing words that are meaningful to the members of your audience. The ability to craft and control language is essential to writing effectively. Effective language matches the reader’s sense of what is appropriate for a given topic. Given that readers of academic papers expect a more formal level of interaction with a topic than do readers of popular writing, they expect a certain level of technical prose. Nonetheless, one should avoid unnecessarily complicated language, jargon, and clichés. It is important to remember that complicated ideas can be expressed clearly. Additionally, the use of first person in academic writing can be appropriate in certain situations.

The Use of Simple Language

The goal of academic writing is to present and articulate an argument. While utilizing a large vocabulary can be helpful in terms of explaining complicated ideas in different ways, one does not want to complicate the language of a text. While contractions and colloquial words and phrases often make writing sound informal, the use of shorter words does not necessarily indicate an informal style. In fact, many writers prefer simpler language as it can help to clearly convey difficult ideas or concepts. Longer words and sentences may confuse your readers, or can make the writing sound arrogant. Here is an example:

Overly complicated: The process of narrativization makes present, within a realm of the imaginary, a social and historical awareness that is unavailable within simple, material facticity.

The process of narrativization makes present, within a realm of the imaginary, a social and historical awareness that is unavailable within simple, material facticity

The title demonstrates an example of a sentence that is pretentious and jargon heavy. Avoiding pretentious writing and defining any technical jargon will endow your writing with a clarity that readers will appreciate.

Simplified: Narratives demonstrate something about the world from which they emerge, despite being classified as fiction.

It’s a good rule of thumb, even in academic work, to err on the side of simplicity rather than linguistic ornamentation. In other words, avoid using needlessly inflated words that bloat your prose and distract your readers from your central argument. The goal is formal writing, not extravagant and flowery writing.

Jargon

Jargon is language that is used in a particular context and may not be well understood outside of that context (e.g. language specific to a particular profession). In some situations, specialized terms can help you communicate effectively. They convey precise, technical meanings economically insofar as many specialized terms have no exact equivalent in everyday speech. They can also help you establish credibility in your field by showing that you are familiar with established conventions.

Still, while there are situations where the use of jargon is appropriate, in academic writing, it’s best to consider the audience first.

Defining Terms for New Audiences

Formal writing may require using specialized terms even though some people in your audience may not understand them. For instance, you may be writing to a group of readers that includes people in your field and others outside of it, or you may be explaining an entirely new subject to your readers. In such cases, there are several ways to define the terms for readers who are not familiar with them:

1. Give a synonym:

On a boat, a rope or cord is called a line.

2. Give a description:

The exit gate consists of tow arms that hold a jug while it is being painted and then allow it to proceed down the production line.

3. Make an analogy:

An atom is like a miniature solar system in which the nucleus is the sun and the electrons are the planets that revolve around it.

4. Give a classical definition, wherein you define the term by naming some familiar group of things to which it belongs and then identifying the key distinction between the object being defined and the other members of the group.

A burrow is a hole in the ground dug by an animal for shelter or habitation.

Clichés

A cliché is an expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has become overused to the point of losing its original meaning, or effect, and even to the point of being trite or irritating, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel. While clichés have a certain usefulness insofar as they can quickly communicate familiar ideas, they are rarely appropriate in formal writing. The reason we want to avoid using clichés in academic writing is that they tend to be ambiguous and can come off as overly colloquial and informal.

Using the First Person in Academic Writing

Teachers or professors may have told you to take out any first-person
references to yourself in formal writing, particularly within persuasive papers where you are trying to convince a reader to take a specific position on a given
topic. While this is not an absolute rule, it is important to understand
why you have been told to avoid using subjective language, such as “I,”
“me,” or “my.”

The primary reason that subjective language should
be avoided is to improve how a reader perceives the argument you are
presenting. Some forms of nonfiction writing, such as essayistic
writing, are enhanced by the use of subjective language, which introduces
the author as a presence within the text. Frequently, this use of
subjective language can imbue the writing with a quality that
many feel should be absent from argumentative papers. The use of first-person pronouns demonstrates how the author’s biographical particulars
enhance or expose something significant about the topic that they are
writing about. However, formal papers, such as those written for
college or graduate courses, tend to contain an argumentative structure
in which objective language is used to make claims with evidence leading to a
particular conclusion.

Using
objective language helps shift your presence as a writer into the
background in order to foreground the particulars of the argument that
you are presenting. This can assist readers in smoothly following the
trajectory of your argument toward a particular conclusion, as opposed
to being constantly interrupted in order to be reminded that these are
your thoughts or opinions. Omitting first-person pronouns from your writing aids in developing a formal tone within your argument.

6.4: Diction

6.4.1: Gender-Neutral Language

Gender neutrality in language minimizes assumptions about the gender or sex of people referred to in writing or speech.

Learning Objective

Give examples of gender-neutral language

Key Points

Gender neutrality in English aims to minimize assumptions about the gender or biological sex of people referred to in speech.
Proponents of gender-neutral language argue that the use of gender-specific language often implies male superiority or reflects an unequal state of society.
Proponents of gender-neutral language claim that linguistic clarity, as well as equality, would be better served by having “man” refer unambiguously to males, and “human” to all persons.
Proposed alternatives to the generic “he” include “he or she,” “s/he,” or the use of “they” in the singular.
In some cases, when writing or speaking about a person whose gender is unknown, ambiguous, or unimportant, gender-neutral language may be achieved by using gender-inclusive, gender-neutral, or epicene words in place of gender-specific ones.
Gender-neutral language may also be achieved by parallel usage of existing gender-specific terms.

Key Terms

gender-neutral language: Used to eliminate (or neutralize) references to gender when describing people.
epicene: Refers to the loss of gender distinction, often specifically the loss of masculinity.
singular they: A pronoun that is gender neutral and refers to a single person when paired appropriately with a gender-neutral antecedent.

Gender-neutral language is neither masculine nor feminine and avoids using gender specific pronouns such as “he” or “she.” The purpose of gender neutrality in writing is to minimize assumptions about the gender or sex of people.

The Importance of Gender-Neutral Language

Proponents of gender-neutral language argue that gender-specific language (such as policeman or waitress) often implies male superiority or reflects an unequal state of society. According to The Handbook of English Linguistics, generic masculine pronouns (such as he) and gender-specific language serve as examples of how, historically, society has treated men as the standard for all humans. Words referring to women often devolve in meaning, and frequently take on sexual overtones. In essence, the use of masculine pronouns when referring to subjects of mixed or indeterminate gender is frowned upon in academic writing. The following sentence is a good illustration of avoiding sexist
language by using the gender neutral “humanity” and “human” rather than
the gender-specific “mankind”: “Since then, humanity has entered a
new phase of spiritual development, an evolution of high faculties, the
very existence of which in human nature our ancestors scarcely
suspected.” Using gender-neutral pronouns avoids presumptions
of male superiority.

Guidelines for Gender-Neutral Language

In most cases of writing or speaking about a person whose gender is unknown, ambiguous, or irrelevant, gender-neutral language may be achieved through the use of gender-inclusive, gender-neutral, or epicene words (having characteristics of both sexes) in place of gender-specific ones. If no gender-inclusive terms exist, new ones may be coined. It is also important to consider parallel usage of existing gender-specific terms.

When possible and contextually appropriate, use nouns and pronouns that are gender-neutral rather than gender-specific.

Instead of: waitress; businessman; workman; mailman
Use: server; businessperson; worker; mail carrier
Instead of: mankind; man-made; man hours; man-sized job
Use: humankind; synthetic; working hours; large job

When referring to people in general, use plural pronouns “s/he” or “he or she” instead of gender-linked pronouns.

Instead of: She looks for premium products and appreciates a stylish design.
Use: They look for premium products and appreciate a stylish design.
Instead of: Before a new business-owner files tax returns, he should seek advice from a certified public accountant.
Use: Before a new business-owner files tax returns, she or he should seek advice from a certified public accountant.

When a singular pronoun is needed, use the “singular they” with a singular antecedent. In these examples, the antecedents are “the patient” and “someone.”

Instead of: The patient should be informed of how much he will need to pay prior to the procedure.
Use: The patient should be informed of how much they will need to pay prior to the procedure.
Instead of: Someone left his lunch in the break-room microwave.
Use: Someone left their lunch in the break-room microwave.

When in doubt, use gender-neutral salutations.

Instead of: Dear Sir; Dear Gentlemen
Use: Dear Personnel Department; Dear Switzer Plastics Corporation; Dear Director of Research

Additionally, many editing houses, corporations, and government bodies have official policies favoring in-house use of gender-neutral language. In some cases, laws exist to enforce the use of gender-neutral language in certain situations, such as job advertisements. Different authorities have presented guidelines on when and how to use gender-neutral, or “non-sexist” language. Several are listed below:

The Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association has an oft-cited section on “Guidelines to Reduce Bias in Language.”
American Philosophical Association—published in 1986
The Guardian—see section called “gender issues”
“Avoiding Heterosexual Bias in Language,” published by the Committee on Lesbian and Gay Concerns, American Psychological Association.

6.4.2: Active Voice vs. Passive Voice

In grammar, “voice” refers to the relationship between the subject and the verb—that is to say, how the action is performed.

Learning Objective

Classify sentences as active or passive

Key Points

In active voice, the subject performs the action of the verb. A clause with an active, transitive verb will follow a pattern of subject-verb-object—for example, “The dog [subject] eats [verb] the food [object].”
A sentence in active voice will have different emphasis, and thus a slightly different tone, than if the same sentence were written in passive voice.
Try to use active voice unless there is a reason to use passive voice.

Key Terms

passive voice: A sentence construction in which the verb’s action is performed, in some cases “by” a subject.
active voice: A sentence construction in which a subject performs the action of the verb.
voice: In grammar, the relationship between the subject and the verb—i.e., how the action is performed.

In grammar, “voice” refers to the relationship between the subject and the verb—that is to say, how the action is performed. Active voice emphasizes the subject as the one performing the action. In contrast, passive voice deemphasizes the subject as performer and instead frames the subject as receiving the action.

Which voice you choose to use should depend on the type of writing and your audience. The active voice is more frequently used in non-scientific writing. Since it usually uses fewer words, it is more succinct and clearer than the passive voice. However, only using the passive voice in scientific writing can make it dry and bog down the reader. Choosing the proper voice will set the tone for your writing, but keep in mind that most writing will include both active and passive voice.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

Active and Passive Voice

In a sentence written in active voice, the subject’s role in performing the action of the verb is emphasized. These sentences will generally follow the pattern of subject–verb–object (or simply subject–verb, for intransitive verbs—i.e., for verbs that don’t need an object):

The student [subject] finishes [verb] the exercise [object].
Fred [subject] ate [verb] his sandwich [object].
Eve [subject] survived [verb, no object needed].

In a sentence written in passive voice, the subject’s role in performing the action of the verb is deemphasized. Instead, passive voice frames the subject as receiving the action. Passive voice is the opposite of active voice, so sentences in passive voice tend to follow the reverse pattern of object–verb–subject, and the word “by” often shows up between the verb and the subject:

The exercise [object] was finished [verb] by the student [subject].
The sandwich [object] was eaten [verb] by Fred [subject].

In most sentences in passive voice, you will see the word “by” between the verb and the subject. In fact, a rule of thumb for recognizing passive voice if you see the construction “was/is [verb]ed by” (for verbs like finished or started) or “was/is [verb]en by” (for verbs like eaten and forgotten).

Most sentences can be phrased to be in either active or passive voice. For example:

Active voice: The teacher sent the student to the principal’s office.
Passive voice: The student was sent to the principal’s office by the teacher.

Which one you choose may not significantly change the meaning of the sentence, but it will likely change its tone and emphasis. It is important to understand the connotations of both active and passive voice, therefore, so your sentences don’t sound odd or out of context.

That said, sentences with intransitive verbs—verbs that do not take direct objects—cannot be passivized because there is no object to put before the verb. For example:

Millions of people lived.
We arrived yesterday.
Shelly will be asleep.

Try to put these in passive voice (in the order object–verb–subject): “[Blank] was lived by millions of people.” It doesn’t make sense! Intransitive verbs can never be used in passive voice.

Most of the Time, Use Active Voice

Active voice is generally more direct and neutral than passive voice. Passive voice tends to sound evasive, like the writer is trying to avoid blame for whoever performed an action, or academic, like a dry science report. Active voice is generally more effective at capturing the reader’s attention. For example,

Passive voice: The ball was hit by Linda.
Active voice: Linda hit the ball.
Passive: The theme that was most commonly addressed by 17th-century writers was …
Active: 17th-century writers most commonly addressed the theme of …

The use of active voice is more direct and provides information about who performed the action.

Guidelines for Avoiding Passive Voice

Avoid sentences that use the verb “to be” or its variations (is, was, will be). The verb “to be” often describes what something is rather than what it does.
Avoid beginning sentences with “It is …” or “There are …”
Avoid sentences where the action is frozen in a word that ends with one of the following suffixes: -tion; -ment; -ing; -ion; -ance. These words mute the action that the verb should communicate by turning them into nouns.

Using Passive Voice Effectively

All that said, passive voice certainly has its uses—you just need to be smart about when you use it! For example:

“Hamlet was written by Shakespeare.” Here, the passive voice emphasizes “Shakespeare,” the most important part of the sentence.
“Jamey was fascinated by language arts.” The passive-voice construction of this sentence emphasizes “Jamey” more effectively than the active-voice equivalent.
“Smoking is strictly prohibited.” Because a passive verb consists of two words, an adverb (like strictly) is accentuated when placed between “to be” and the past participle.

When Writing a Research Paper

In particular, scientific research writing often requires that the writer deemphasize themselves as the performer of the action. This makes the language more objective; in theory, an experiment should happen the same way and have the same results no matter who conducts it. For example:

Active voice: I found that the frog population decreased by 10% last year.
Passive voice: It was found that the frog population decreased by 10% last year.

When Talking about General Rules

Passive voice is also often used when talking about general rules, to make it clear that the performer is less important than the action. For example:

Active voice: The landlord expects the rent check on the first of the month.
Passive: The rent check will be collected on the first of the month.

Passive voice can also be used to make rules or expectations sound less harsh. For example:

Active voice: Do not smoke.
Passive voice: Smoking is prohibited.

Knowing the different uses of voice is as important in writing as in singing

The majority of your sentences should be in active voice. However, there are also effective uses of passive voice; when used sparingly, it can give particular sentences special emphasis.

6.4.3: Concision

It is important to keep sentences concise; the longer and more complex a sentence gets, the harder it is for a reader to understand.

Learning Objective

Distinguish between concise and wordy sentences

Key Points

Make your writing more forceful, memorable, and persuasive by making it concise.
Concise writing is clear and reader-friendly, increasing your reader’s ability to understand your argument.
Avoid padding your writing with extra words or lengthening sentences and paragraphs to meet a word count for an assignment.
Match your vocabulary to your reader and your writing task. Avoid using elevated or flowery language to sound impressive.

Key Term

concision: Brevity, or the practice of using no more words than necessary to describe an idea.

Simplifying Sentences

Varying sentence lengths and types of sentences can help to break up otherwise tedious prose blocks. However, it is important to keep in mind that the longer and more complex a sentence gets, the more difficult it can be for a reader to interpret that sentence. Take this paragraph as an example:

The author of the novel illustrated various differences between the characters. The novel, which was a romantic novel, portrayed characters in devious sorts of ways in which they did things that were very deceptive. The two main characters, April and Jamil, were never definitely and completely honest with each other, which led to the final outcome of their divorce. This outcome, which left them both miserable as they still loved one another, is designed in a way to show the readers just exactly how the novelist feels about lying in relationships.

This paragraph is quite wordy and takes longer than necessary to make its point. Let’s break it up into shorter sentences and omit unnecessary words:

The romantic novelist portrayed the main characters as devious. April and Jamil were in love, but they were never honest with each other, and ultimately they got a divorce. This shows us how the novelist feels about lying.

This is much clearer! Students often make the mistake of using more words than necessary because they think it will impress their reader or professor. However, instructors and other readers easily see through this, and they usually just want you to get your point across! Always consider your reader, and make your writing easy for them to grasp.

Revising for Concision

Consider the following general guidelines. These are good rules to keep in mind when you are revising your paper for concision.

Eliminate Words

Eliminate unnecessary words. Keep an eye out for places where you can convey your meaning more directly. For example:

Original: The physical size of the workroom is too small to accommodate this equipment.
Revised: The workroom is too small for this equipment.

The physical size of the workroom is too small to accommodate this equipment

Though the title communicates the necessary information about this image, it uses too many words to do so. A simplified version of the sentence is: “The workroom is too small for this equipment.” Look for places in your own writing where you can remove unnecessary words to make your writing more concise and efficient. Your readers will appreciate it!

Also, try to avoid the following phrases, which are redundant and have more concise alternatives:

absolutely essential
in my personal opinion
basic fundamentals
past memories
each and every
small in size
first and foremost
very unique

Combine Short, Choppy Sentences

After you eliminate unnecessary words, you may find yourself with much shorter sentences, so your paper may now feel choppy. Combine these short sentences to improve flow and clarify your train of thought. The single combined sentence may be longer than each of the two original sentences, but overall you are using fewer words and communicating your point more clearly.

Original: Water quality in Fairfield declined in March. This decline occurred because of the heavy rainfall that month. All the extra water overloaded Tomlin County’s water treatment plant.
Revised: Water quality in Fairfield declined in March because heavy rainfall overloaded Tomlin County’s water treatment plant.

Additional Examples

Example 1

Original: According to optimal quality-control practices in manufacturing any product, it is important that every component part that is constituent of the product be examined and checked individually after being received from its supplier or other source but before the final, finished product is assembled. (45 words)
Revised: Effective quality control requires that every component be checked individually before the final product is assembled. (16 words)

Example 2

Original: Over the most recent monthly period, there has been a large increase in the number of complaints that customers have made about service that has been slow. (27 words)
Revised: Last month, many more customers than usual complained about slow service. (11 words)